saturday morning according to kort

"but do you re-s.o.l.v.e.
the most famous reindeer of all?" *click*

"rudolph the red-nosed reindeer - reindeer" *click*

"had a very shiny nose - like a lightbulb!" *click*

"and if you ever saw it - saw it - you would even say it glows - like a flashlight!" (have you heard the new "flashlight" variation he inserted right there? not lovin' it personally, but hey, it's his song...) *click*

"all of the other reindeer - reindeer - used to laugh and call him names - like pinocchio! - they never let poor rudolph - rudolph - join in any reindeer games - like monopoly!" *click*

"then one foggy christmas eve, santa came to say - ho! ho! ho! - rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" *click*

"then how the reindeer loved..." singing stops. exasperated grunt. sliding glass door opens (very slowly). a second exasperated grunt. sliding glass door closes (very slowly). silence settles over the house. *click*

*click*

more grunting. sliding door opens (very slowly). grunt. groan. sliding door closes (very slowly). sigh of relief. "then how the reindeer loved him - loved him - as they shouted out with glee - yippee!!" *click*

"rudolph the red-nosed reindeer - reindeer - you'll go down in history - like columbus!" *click*

Just not feelin' that good old Christmas spirit the way I'd like to be...

...but a trip to WALMART can do that to a girl.

Wow, I really hate Walmart.

Did you hear that?

I used the word *gasp* "HATE" during this,

the season of peace and joy and love...

and I'm totally not even sorry for saying it.

I'm not going to take it back either.

My statement stands.

I h.a.t.e Walmart!

(I know just how they feel.)

I went to print a picture of Kortland today.

I BOUGHT the digital files for this picture (for like, extra money) from the photographer who took the picture, and therefore own the printing rights, and do you know what happened after I drove 20 minutes to pick up my prints? A nasty (and I am dead serious when I say n.a.s.t.y) photo-section-employee-lady (who clearly thinks that routine, bi-monthly perms with the smallest rollers available, are still all the rage) stripped the pictures right out of my hand (you know, like, ripped it out of my hand...like something you would see on sitcom... or a freaking Tom and Jerry cartoon) and said that this picture appeared to have been taken by a professional studio and that I had to have a signed copyright release for it if I wanted to buy my pictures. And she didn't say it nicely. She said it rudely. (This is a key detail.) I don't like being treated rudely. I also don't like it when a rude little turd accuses me of trying to steal pictures that I rightfully paid for.

Kay, honestly, I don't have many pet peeves (except for the word "pet peeve"which is eternally obnoxious...) For example, one of my only pet peeves is people who are repulsed by feet. Feet are great. I like the wonderful things I get to do and see and enjoy because of my feet, and I just don't get why people don't see how great they are... but I digress.

As I was saying, I don't have many pet peeves, but being treated like a criminal (when I'm totally the furthest thing from it) pretty much sends me into an altered state of consciousness where all I can think about is giving a 10 minute evacuation warning to all of Walmart's (unfortunate) employees and shoppers and then burning that motha down. I was seeing red, and yes, I bit her head off. Had she treated me with an OUNCE of decency, I am sure that I would have been fine, but she did not, and I was not (and am not) fine.

As far as the pictures go, I don't care. I will not drive back there (release form in hand) to pick them up, and they can eat the cost. They pay their employees next to nothing and have about 3 checkers working the check out at any given time, so I'm sure those extra billions can compensate for the prints that I have (furiously) abandoned. They totally and completely wasted my time and my gasoline, so, I guess putting my prints in the garbage at their expense is the very least they can do as far as I'm concerned.

As for me, I'm going to go climb into bed and try to get my happy back. I'm singing "O Holy Night" tonight at our ward Christmas party and it would be sort of nice if I could do it sans the hatred that is currently burning in my heart... Wow, 'tis the Season of crazy hormones and horrible customer service. Not an ideal combination. Hope your day is better than mine! To be sure that this is the case, I would recommend avoiding Walmart at all costs! (You're welcome.)

Tonight's Goodnight 12.7.2009

This is a conversation Kort and I had tonight after his bed time prayers (which included his regular plea for a baby brother or baby sister to *puh-leeeeease * come to our family)

Mom?

Yeah?

Do you know what we need to do instead of just praying for a baby?

What?

Fast!

Oh? How did you learn about that?

Yesterday, my teachers said that there was a little girl, and her family got into a car crash, and she got hurt the worst and had to go to, you know, the hospital...and she wouldn't wake up.

So, she was in a coma?

Yeah, that's what it was, a coma. So, the Bishop of their world...

You mean their "ward?"

Yeah, the Bishop of their ward, got up at the microphone on Sunday and asked the whole ward to have a fast and to pray for the little girl, and they DID it! The whole "word" did a fast, and then they got a really good feeling that everything was going to be okay, and then the little girl woke up and she WAS okay!

Bud! That's so great! I am so happy to know that you listened so well in your class (given his past Sunday School track record..you have no idea how happy ;)

Well, I was thinking that a fast would work for your tummy so we can have a baby. Can you call the Bishop and ask him to have everyone fast? (That would be a fun phone call!)

How about if we call all of our family and ask them to have a fast with us instead?

Okay, like Gaga and Papo and Nama and Grandpa Jim and all my aunts and uncles?

Yeah.

Okay. Can we do it tomorrow?

Sure!

(I sort of think he's the greatest child on the planet...can you blame me?)

Bubbuh Butt

thanksgiving was sort of awesome

because lily is sort of awesome. and because it's sort of awesome that she clearly likes crazy, big "to do" gatherings as much as her daddy does (a.k.a. not at all).

and it was sort of awesome to go take pictures of chevy-poo and jubes in all of my favorite old marysvale stomping grounds. the old dance hall, the old city bridge, and then even at our bridge... well what technically "used to be" our bridge but will also technically "always be" our bridge no matter who owns the deed to it on any given day... some things just belong to you no matter what...you know? oh, you don't "know" and i just sound crazy right now? dang it! anyway, marysvale will always be the place i think of when i think of "home." (i think i've even got the hubs talked into being buried with me there someday how creepy/awesome/bizarre is that?)

the old city bridge

they are sort of a match made in heaven...can you tell?

there it is. my bridge.

isn't it beautiful?

chevy and jubes aren't too bad either.

st. george was sort of awesome

mostly because the hubs found a fanny pack in the hall closet and wore it for the entire weekend. he is shown here packing it for our trip to the swimming pool. (and what's a beautiful leather fanny pack without moccasin loafers, really?)

all set!

it was also awesome because this happened every day at quarter to twelve. 2 year old dillon would walk up to me and say "i'm tired. i want to hold you." and i would say "do you want to sit with me on the couch?" and he would say "yeth." (he has the cutest lil' lisp on the planet btw i could eat him) and then he would fall asleep on my lap.

it happened every. day.

i want one.

preferably complete with a lisp and a serious set of eye lashes.

oh, and as if he couldn't get any cuter, he is obsessed with laundry.

O.B.S.E.S.S.E.D.

he will sit in the laundry room and watch an entire cycle of laundry go though, then come and get me and say "should we put the towelsth in the dryer?" yeah, he is beyond yummy. he would also come up to me out of the blue and say "do you have any towelsth that need wathing?" o be still my heart.

kort loved having two brothers for the weekend. he just thrives around other children and feels so content to have little buddies lounging around. he was super helpful with everyone and had a blast with evan. it really doesn't get much better than this! we were so sad to see the weekend come to an end!

three little zoners! LOVE it! can't beat those saturday morning cartoons!

the whole gang.

Laura (well, "other Laura") did a way better job of chronicling our little trip. Go here to see evidence of me being an awesome mom and playing cards with my kid for hours on end... of course, i only did it because i wanted the Ellis's to think i was undeniably rad...

mission accomplished, I'm sure.

A review of New Moon...finally.

*Note: The follwing pictures were selected because they are HI-larious, and not because I am a big fat Twilight nerd or anything like that. Just so we're clear.

If any of you remember the Twilight Movie Review/Reenactment I wrote last year, you may also remember that I was not impressed. Like, at all. Like, not even a little bit. (Go ahead, click the link. See for yourself. You know you want to.)

So, you can imagine my disappointment when New Moon got a new director, and a beefier budget, resulting in a film that was less "crazy/sparkling/constipated mimes," and more "beefy werewolves, better make-upped Bella (cake it on people, do what you can for my sake), and chic-looking Cullens." It still had like, 12-too-many scenes where Jacob was all up in Bella's face being all sorts of hopelessly love and such, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that it was a vast improvement to the reeking pile o' poo that was "Twilight."

That said, I simply must refer you to this guy. Holy flipping hilarious Batman! I sort of want to lock him in my closet, open it every once in awhile, poke him and say "Say something funny!"have a really good laugh, and close it again. On second thought, I suppose I could just start stalking his blog... I guess. All I have to say about his "Rejected New Moon Screenplay" is: TEARS. Tears streaming down my face. Nostrils flaring with laughter. Stomach muscles to tight that I'm afraid I might barf at any moment. I hope I'm not over selling it here...but it was that good. (For me anyway.) I think I'm in love. (Shhhh, don't tell Kyle.) Please also treat yourself to the link on the bottom of the article that invites you to check out his "Rejected Twilight Screenplay" which subsequently invites you to check out his "Rejected Titanic Screenplay" All divine.

So, Merry (early) Christmas to you, love me. (You're welcome.)

I'm not gonna lie. This sort of creeps (like, really, really alot) me out.

That is all.

monopoly + war ='s nostlgia heaven.

I just played Monopoly with my son. We sat on the floor in our pajamas (in front of a licking, happy fireplace) and played Monopoly for like, 2 hours with my friend Laura (awesome name, I know) and her son, Evan. Oh the memories. Oh the sweet, sweet (okay, more like bittersweet) memories of the "good old days" during Christmas break when I would play Monopoly with my brothers. Where Bryan (somehow...hmm) always managed to land on/buy up/load with double hotels (even though that was soooo against the rules) Boardwalk and Park Place, and the game inevitably ended with an over-turned game board, screaming, tears, and, if I'm being honest, lots of blood and a broken door/wall or two, not to mention a mom who had been reduced to tears and wanted to know "Why her children insisted upon acting like the spawn of Satan even during this, the season of love and goodwill toward men?"

Ahhh, those were the beautious Christmases of my youth. So lovely.

I love Monopoly. Kyle would rather be dragged by a pack of wild llamas, or have salt poured up his nose than play any sort of board game, worst of all Monopoly, but I love it, and it seems that Kort is with me on this one. We had a blast. Then I taught him how to play war, and I had some seriously awesome Marysvale/cousin nostalgia...and some seriously awesome guilt. I so totally cheated at war when I was little. Totally did. Any chance I got. My slight of hand got to be pretty good back in the day. So, I think I owe an apology to: Annalee, Trevor, Andrew, Lindsay, Jennifer, Melissa, and Bryan...no wait... not Bryan, I didn't dare to cheat with Bryan. Being the world's biggest cheater himself, he knew one when he saw one. I would always get caught and it would always get, um, ugly.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised today when Kort kept trying to "strategically" roll the dice to the number he wanted. He certainly gets it honestly...

Allyson and Dean

Go here to see more of my favorites!

Dear Reams,

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

1. Your friendly staff. 2. The festive holiday music echoing down your sparkling aisles. 3. The sweet, elderly lady you hired to offer free cups of spiced pumpkin egg nog to your customers. (aka: me)… (fyi: It was delicious.) 4. The ONE (yes, I just said o.n.e.) person in line in front of me when I walked up to the cashier. ONE! I waited for thirty seconds before making my purchase, are you kidding me? Dreamy. I love you, Reams, I love you forever. 5. Your hilarious Thanksgiving Trivia Game being announced over the PA system complete with prizes and happy shoppers. 6. The random, smiling shoppers I talked with about how I would have never guessed that a “male turkey had 3,500 feathers,” or about how we were both thinking that “the vegetable that the Native Americans brought to the First Thanksgiving” was pumpkin, not corn while we dropped It was so much fun! I was walking down the aisles with a big smile on my face the whole time I was there! 7. Lovely drivers who politely smiled, waved, and waited for me to back out of my parking space. Which makes me want to add: “I love you, Springville. I love you with all of my heart…” 8. Did I mention that I waited in line at a grocery store for less than 30 seconds on the day before Thanksgiving? Oh, I did? Good. Because that’s a pretty important detail.